Spike's Hiccups
by flamingmarsh
Summary: Spike has the hiccups and he can't get rid of them so the Autobots help him out. Warning: Hilarious


**This takes place on Earth, in Transformers G1 universe. I thought of this the other day when I got the hiccups. So, I wondered how the Autobots would take Spike having hiccups. Hopefully, you guys think this will be funny because I do. **

**And thanks goes out to Litahatchee and I-love-me-some-leggypoo for beta reading my story!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Transformers!**

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On a cloudy mid-afternoon, we find some of the heroic Autobots off duty in the rec. room while the rest are on duty. Out on patrol were Warpath and Brawn. Moreover, in one part of the many hallways of the Ark, were four bots talking. The bots included Ironhide, Jazz, Inferno, and Red Alert. As they talked about every day things that occurred in the Ark, they suddenly heard faint noises coming towards them from another part of the hallway. They stopped talking to listen, straining their audio receptors to find out just what kind of noises they were.

"What the frag are those noises?" Ironhide demanded, charging his cannons up.

"It's the Decepticons! Somehow, they managed to break in here! I knew I shouldn't have left my post!" Red Alert moaned.

"It could be da twins, playin' a prank on us," Jazz suggested. Though not believing it was them, he got out his gun, just in case.

As the noises were just around the corner, the bots tensed, waiting. A few seconds later, Bumblebee, Spike, and Sparkplug rounded the corner. The noises were coming from Spike! Sighing with relief, the Autobots subspaced their weapons.

"Hey guys. What's -hiccup- up?" Spike asked.

"Nothing much. What's wrong with ya, Spike?" Inferno asked, tilting his helm to look at Spike.

"He has the hiccups," Sparkplug announced.

"Hiccups," the four confused Autobots announced together.

"What are hiccups," Ironhide wondered.

"It has something to do with his body and Spike here can't get them to go away," Bumblebee said.

"It's not Spike." Red Alert declared.

"Of course, I'm -hiccup- Spike."

Sparks were coming off his antennae as Red Alert shook his helm. His glitch raised just a fraction. "The Decepticons kidnapped the real Spike and made a fake Spike. Those noises he's making is a bomb, waiting to explode!"

They all looked at Red Alert and Jazz shook his helm.

"Really, Red Alert," Jazz said, chuckling.

"What's wrong with you all? We must destroy him before we all become dead."

"Come on, Red. Let's go to your room. You need some recharge," said Inferno, as he led a protesting Red Alert away.

"Hmm, maybe Ratchet can help ya," Jazz said, thoughtfully.

"Yeah! Ratchet will know what to do," Bumblebee said, smiling down at the hiccupping Spike.

_Jazz to Ratchet,_ Jazz said into his comm link, knowing full well that all Autobots could hear him.

_Ratchet here. What's wrong now?_ Ratchet asked, irritably.

_It's Spike. He's not functioning correctly,_ Ironhide spoke.

_What do you mean?_

_He keeps making these weird noises. Sparkplug says he has the hiccups._

They heard a sigh. _Alright. I'll be there soon._

_Hey Jazz, where are you,_ asked Hound through the comm link.

_Near da exit, why?_

_I'll be there soon. I want to know what's wrong with Spike,_ came Hound's worried reply.

"Ratchet will be here soon," Jazz announced, looking down at the two humans.

They nodded and so, they waited for a few kliks while Spike kept hiccupping. Soon, Ratchet arrived, though he wasn't alone. Behind him were Hoist, the twins, Mirage, Hound, and Bluestreak.

"Primus, Ratchet. You need all the bots with you?" Ironhide asked, his right optic ridge raised.

"Frag off, Hide. They insisted on coming along with me." Ratchet looked down at Spike. "You say you have hiccups, correct?"

Spike nodded.

"Spike Witwicky, when you hiccup, your diaphragm involuntarily contracts. This contraction of the diaphragm then causes an immediate and brief closure of your vocal cords, which produces the characteristic sound of a hiccup. What actually causes the hiccup is difficult to say, but from what I have read on your human internet; in most instances, there is no obvious cause. Attacks of the hiccups seem to be associated with a few different things. Eating or drinking too fast; being nervous or excited; or having irritation in the stomach or throat."

Spike blinked a couple times as the others stared at Ratchet.

"Uh, -hiccup- ok."

"How can we help him get rid of the hiccups?" Hound asked, worried.

"Well, Spike has tried drinking water, standing on his head, swallowing a tablespoon of sugar, and holding his nose, but none has worked," Sparkplug said, looking up at the bots around him.

"Yeah, I made him laugh earlier to see if his hiccups would go away, but they didn't," Bumblebee gloomily said.

"Hmm," Ratchet said.

"How about we knock him out and see what it does to him," Sunstreaker exclaimed, looking down at Spike.

Spike's eyes widened.

"You could probably hurt him," Bluestreak exclaimed, aghast.

"It's worth a shot," Sideswipe said, agreeing with his brother.

"No one is going to knock him out," Ratchet said, glaring at the twins.

"What don't you try holding your breath?" Hoist requested.

"It's worth a shot," Sparkplug said to his son.

There forth, Spike drew in a deep breath and held it for two minutes. The surrounding Autobots and his father watched in anticipation. Soon, Spike's cheeks slowly began to turn a red tinge and his eyes began to water.

"Stop, Spike!" Ratchet said, looking at how his face was turning redder.

Spike released his breath, breathing heavily.

"Why did you tell him to stop?" Mirage wondered.

"Because, his face looked like it was going to explode."

"Are you alright, Spike?" Bumblebee asked, concerned.

Spike nodded, breathing normally again.

"Hey, his hiccups are gone." Mirage said, studying Spike.

Before the Autobots could do anything more, they heard a noise from Spike.

-Hiccup Hiccup Hiccup-

Spike looked around at them sheepishly as he heard one or two Autobots sigh in frustration. The hiccups would not go away. He wished they would. Spike turned his attention to Sunstreaker again, as he spoke of another idea.

"Maybe we could get one of the Ariealbots to take Spike flying." Sunstreaker said.

"What good will that do?" Bluestreak asked, looking at Sunstreaker.

"They could scare him, saying, they'll dump him out and let him fall."

"Has a circuit fried in your processor, Sunstreaker?" Ratchet said, incredulously.

"Wait. Scaring Spike isn't a bad idea!" Hound said, interrupting Sunstreaker, who was fixing to give a few choice words to Ratchet.

An idea formed in his processor and Ironhide, without warning, picked up Spike to hold him at his faceplate level. When he picked up Spike, everyone looked at Ironhide, curious as to what he would do.

"Hey Spike, have ya ever wondered what a gun up close to a bot could do?" Ironhide asked, charging one of his cannons up as Spike eyes widened once more.

Seeing what Ironhide was about to do, Ratchet whisked Spike out of Ironhide's hand and put him on the ground beside his father. Ironhide looked at Ratchet.

"Why did ya do that for? I was only gonna scare him!"

-Hiccup Hiccup Hiccup-

"It didn' work." Jazz said, looking amusedly down at Spike.

"Ironhide, what if your cannons went off by themselves accidentally? What then?" Then with a curse, Ratchet yelled, "I'm tired of all the antics that you guys have done today!"

At that, a couple of the Autobots looked at Ratchet like he gone crazy.

"I can't have a quiet moment anymore, even if the Decepticons aren't attacking! The twins are in my med bay just about every day because of fragging pranks! Then there's WheelJack blowing himself up and I have to fix his sorry aft and when half of the bots here can't get along, I have to fix them up! I have a good mind to deactivate you all! Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm here or why I put up with you slagging idiots!" Ratchet yelled.

Ratchet was so mad that his form had steam literally pouring off him. The twins started stepping back.

"I think it's official. I think Ratchet has finally lost it," muttered Sideswipe.

Ratchet turned to Sideswipe and the twins could see his left optic twitching. With a look toward each other, they both took off, followed by Bluestreak. The rest of the Autobots were gaping at Ratchet.

"I'm sorry, Ratchet." Ironhide muttered.

"Hey, Ratchet! I never thought of this, but I'm glad you had that little...episode. Spike isn't hiccupping anymore!" Mirage said.

"_Episode_." Ratchet started, turning around to face Mirage. Mirage backed into Hound, a little scared. That is until Ratchet processed what Mirage fully said. He looked down at Spike. Spike eyes were so wide, you thought they would pop out and he was shaking. His father was holding him.

"I'm glad! Now," Ratchet said, turning around to face Mirage, "why-"

-Hiccup Hiccup Hiccup-

Groaning, Ironhide walked off, frustrated with Spike having his hiccups and the fact, that nothing was working to get rid of them.

"It's official," Jazz said laughing, "Hiccups aren't afraid of Ratchet!"

Giving Jazz a glare, Ratchet stomped off hearing Spike's hiccups echoing down the hall.

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**So what did you guys think? funny, bad, what? Review Please! Oh and did you know, our bodies are made up of 70 percent water?**


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